After a busy Christmas Eve, Santa Claus is reportedly exhausted and dehydrated after delivering presents to the world’s nice children and performing the traditional breeding of the good twinks.
“The thing is, 25 is a really big number,” explains Hank Gorman. Gorman’s advent calendar Oops! All Santa features risque, theoretically artistic nude photographs that are meant to be torn away once per day through December–but consumers were hardly a week in before they noticed the project getting…avant garde.
BETHLEHEM— A researcher at the Vatican Library has discovered a lost text written by God
Alex Colman, a current resident of Astoria, NY and hillbilly by descent, reminisces: “I’m really going to miss having my mom’s mechanic spit in my mouth by the dumpster behind the bank this Christmas.” It had become one of Colman’s favorite holiday traditions–right up there with Grandma’s pumpkin rolls.
This year has been an especially lonely one and it’s felt even more during the holidays. Some are missing physical touch and longing for the warm embrace of a loved one, while others just want an 8-foot tall goat-horned Christmas demon to plow them into yesteryear.