Political Experts Report Pete Buttigieg More Than Halfway Through Supervillain Origin Story

After an underwhelming performance in the South Carolina primary, former South Bend Mayor Pete Buttigieg ended his historic presidential campaign in what political experts say is the primary turning point for his backstory as a future supervillain.

“It is a classic personal conflict that we have seen in many supervillains throughout history,” says CNN political analyst Hannah Oringer. “It will be remarkably unsurprising if in the next few months we see him invest his time and money into thinks like reckless space exploration, carnivorous nanobots, or shrink rays.”

Pete Buttigieg and his husband, Chasten, have been reportedly reclusive since the announcement. However, sources say they have already retreated to a private island with an underground lair that can only be accessed by a waterfall that you turn on and off. It has also been rumored that joining them on this island are noted supervillain couple, Elon Musk and Grimes.

“Pete ran on a platform of being the model minority,” Oringer continues. “Sure he was gay, but he was also a married gay, a veteran, and a Rhodes scholar who spoke several languages! With a resume like that, if you can’t become president, all that’s left for you is an evil plan to detach California from the American mainland using a chain of deftly planted geo-seismic vibration machines.”

Whether or not Buttigieg joins the ranks of the myriad queer supervillains throughout history and folklore remains to be seen. However, his popularity with LGBTQ+ voters is now higher than it ever was during his presidential bid.

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