Oops! You drank 4 gin and tonics on an empty stomach and got a little trigger happy in your Instagram DMs. Which of the several photos and videos you sent to exes, a handful of people you’ve slept with, and…woof, your old manager from Lululemon, are incriminating? Thankfully, not as many as you think.
It’s the morning now, and you’re with God again. We get it! Your beau, sleeping unknowingly at his parent’s for the weekend, is none the wiser and you’re panicking. If you’re thinking about telling him STOP RIGHT THERE!
The truth will set you free, but free from what exactly? Support? His adorable long-haired dachshund? Splitting rent in a couple months when you move into a 1-bedroom? You can’t give that up! And you’re on thin ice already after the fiasco at his office Christmas party.
First things first: if they responded, you’re in the clear. Even a double tap, which may seem passive, expresses that they saw it and enjoyed it to an extent. They know you have a boyfriend and any positive reinforcement on their end is just a green light for some light infidelity. Their lips are sealed! Trust us. In some languages, close friends actually translates to I want to see your bulge for 8 seconds. You’re being worldly!
Tip #2! Have you slept together before? If so, keep calm and carry on you little slut. If they’ve already seen you naked, a Boomerang of you with drunk eyes pulling your underwear just below your waist with the caption “tiredddd,” is basically a selfie!
Finally, here’s a helpful mantra that should quell any anxiety of whether or not you’re cut out for commitment: no peen, your record’s clean! Photos of your ass on the grid might not even be reported. So bulge, the backside, or even a little hole is hardly anything to lose sleep over. Congrats bottoms – mum’s the word.
Chances are if you’ve done this once then you’ll do it again. Thankfully, this means you and your partner totally give off “I think they’re open” energy and that’s really anyone’s fault. Forgive yourself and hit send!