Disney’s First Lesbian Princess Will Also Be the First Gopher Princess

BURBANK, CA— Disney is making strides with representation, and whacking two moles with one swing…or should we say, two gophers! Their latest animated adventure, Annabelle and the Gopher Princess, features not only the first lesbian princess, but also the first rodent royalty—and they are one and the same.


Lauded as a crucial step forward in LGBT+ cartoon portrayals, this landmark film follows the story of Princess Annabelle whose world is turned upside down when a malevolent groundskeeper with magic powers named Balthasar turns her into a gopher. From here, she falls madly in love with another gopher named Gorf, who, surprise…is an out and proud lesbian.


Together Annabelle and Gorf must defeat the groundskeeper and save themselves before he destroys every gopher on the planet. Producers promise that both homosexual women and burrower enthusiasts alike will be pleased. Disney is thrilled to offer a role model to little girls who may identify with the gay gopher characters, but are a tad too repressed to make the leap to full-blown human lady-loving just yet.


Emma Stone plays the lead role of Princess Annabelle, with Margot Robie tapped for the role of her street-smart gopher lover, Gorf. Early test screenings have raved about the music, such as the romantic ballads, “I’ll Keep You Warm, in My Burrow”, and “Into the Hole, Into Her Heart.”


Disney sought some of the top gopher experts in the country as consultants, such as famed gopher advocate Bertrand Lochgräber, to nail the little critters’ movements and mannerisms. Lochgräber jumped on board immediately after reading the script, claiming it was very faithful to the gopher experience. The real difficulty was communicating the protagonists’ sexuality, since no homosexual gopher activity has yet been witnessed in the wild, and the consultants were all cis heterosexual men.


Rising to the challenge, the gopher-heads queried every queer woman they could find within walking distance from the set, including a few who were not actually queer but did have fun, funky asymmetrical haircuts. And the result is astonishing: the finest foraging ever committed to film, and a portrayal of lesbians that thankfully only features one animated gopher mullet.


However, not everyone is pleased with this groundbreaking film. The announcement spurred condemnation from conservative group DAAG (Disney Aficionados Against Gays), who plan to boycott the premiere by staging small, but vocal protests at various Home Depot Garden Centers across the country.


Nevertheless, Disney remains undeterred, standing by their initial decision to keep the romance between two lesbian gophers in light of growing calls for greater queer representation in their films. As yet, it is unconfirmed whether the two animal leads will kiss, but it is confirmed they will hold hands at least once.

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