WEST HOLLYWOOD, CA— With states scrambling to figure out how to best distribute the COVID-19 vaccine, one unconventional strategy has emerged in California. The Governor’s office announced this week that they would be using a map of interconnected lesbian hookups inspired by The Chart in the TV series “The L Word”.
Gavin Newsom explained that Phase One includes vaccinating “the sluttiest lesbians–total Shanes” in order to branch out as widely and quickly as possible. When reporters asked how straight people would eventually be vaccinated, Governor Newsom was quick to retort, “This is California. Bisexuality exists.”
Response to the unconventional plan has been mixed. Ilene Chaiken, creator of “The L Word,” is concerned with the plan. She tweeted: “seems like Gavin hasn’t watched past season three.”
One California lesbian, Tina Andrews, 76, complained that she had been with her wife for 20 years, and now they must continue to “live in fear” as a group deemed high risk by the CDC. According to Andrews, the couple is considering breaking monogamy just to get it sooner.
Another lesbian, Alice Quinten, 26, commented: “This is so cool. I went to a women’s college, so I’m definitely next in line.” Quinten is a programmer who works from home but is “really psyched to get to travel and hang out now.”
Unfortunately, there’s already been some hiccups in the plan. Officials are struggling to determine what scientifically counts as a hookup, “especially for lesbians.”
Graphic by Slate.com, Photos courtesy of The L Word