Quarantine times are still upon us, which means no Fire Island, no Cherry Grove, no Olivia Cruises, and definitely no Dinah Shore Weekend. Here are five vacation spots that are arguably just as sexually charged and alcohol fueled. Plus, they’re definitely safe to be your gay self because they’re just your friends apartments!
1. Christine’s Studio in Williamsburg
Let’s get the party started! Christine’s studio has it all: one bottle of white wine, a cheese and cracker platter, and The Kids Are Alright on DVD! Sure, Christine’s air conditioner doesn’t work and you have to be quiet starting around 7 PM because there’s a newborn baby next door. But at least you can openly hold hands with your partner and wear a cutoff tank, which is all you really wanted from a gay vacation spot anyway.
2. Mateo’s Basement Apartment in Hell’s Kitchen
Ooh, Broadway baby! Mateo has been in the touring company of Chicago for like six years, so he knows how to treat gay vacationers right. He’ll make you a blender drink so strong that you’ll think you’re at the beach, but really you’re in a windowless “garden level” apartment playing Uno. If you’re feeling spicy, you can even do karaoke, even though Mateo will out-sing you. You can be flamboyant, talk about gay stuff, and openly hold hands with your partner, which was kinda the whole point to begin with.
3. Danielle And Priya’s One Bedroom in Chelsea
Ow, oww! Danielle and Priya just moved in together, which means they’re eager to host and have a bunch of home improvement projects that they’re going to make you help with—even though you definitely didn’t volunteer. Crack open a beer and get ready to install a shelving unit because Hôtel Danielle et Priya is open for business! With tennis games constantly playing on their TV, it will feel just like Dinah Shore, minus the pool and all of the other women. Most importantly, you can openly hold hands with your partner and Danielle and Priya won’t make a weird face.
4. Quinn’s Bushwick Apartment That They Share With 6 Roommates
Talk about a summer of fun! Quinn’s apartment has almost no space to social distance because it houses six other queers and three cats, but it does have a rooftop that you could pretend is Palm Springs if you shut your eyes, crank up that music, and maybe take some hallucinogenic drugs. Quinn will let you openly share a kiss with your partner on their couch and they won’t even stare! What else could you ask for in a gaycation
5. Lydia’s Illegal Airbnb in SoHo
What a thrill! Lydia rents out the second bedroom of her apartment in SoHo—even though Airbnb is illegal in Manhattan—and said that you can spend the night for free if you pick up her drycleaning on your way over! This trendy hot spot has everything you need for an amazing gay vacay: two different kinds of vegan cheese, an Amazon firestick, a detachable shower head, and the freedom to openly share a bed with your partner without a hotel clerk asking, “Are you sure you don’t want two twins?”
COVID-19 might stop us from safely traveling and going to clubs, but it can’t stop us from tearing up the safest, most reliable, and most fun vacation spots of all: our friends’ apartments.