All-Female Book Club Unable To Choose Name Without Referencing Genitalia

A ladies book club may usually be the front for a wine-guzzlin’ good time, but a local club is going past that stereotype to focus on reading empowering feminist works. Despite all their gumption, however, they are still struggling to find a name that isn’t centered on their anatomy. “We’re a progressive, feminist book club that recognizes not all women have vaginas,” said founder Casey McKinnon. “But it’s hard to pass up the name Clit Lit.”


Last Thursday the group met for what was supposed to be a quick session comprised of picking the “inclusive and diverse” works (and wines) to devour this year. Instead, after donning their pink pussy hats, the group began animatedly discussing names that would be “as awesome” as Clit Lit but not feel exclusionary. There was immediately push back, as some women felt excluded for “having and loving our pink clits!”


“Our name is important, because it’ll show new members that we’re a group for scholars, intellectuals, and readers from all different walks of womanhood,” Casey announced to the group of white cishet women. “Yeah, we’re not sleepy bookworms, we’re woke badass book bitches! Wait, should I not say bitches?” mused Kasey, who was hosting the meeting. “What about Kindle Kunts?”


A fervent pitch session for a name followed, including the suggestions of Tit Texts, Bushes n’ Books, Tata Tales, Puss Passages, Vagina Dialogues, OvaReading, Bazonga Bibliophiles, Fallopian Fellows, Emily No Dickinsons, Emily DickinDaughters, and Mons Pubi-cations. These were all subsequently shot down for being anatomy-focused, though given “snaps” for wordplay.


“Do we want a name that welcomes other non-male genders that are traditionally shunned in literature?” volunteered a quieter member, Caicey, between gulps of premixed sangria. This elevated the confusion to a cacophonous din that was only quieted by founder Cacey and host Kasey leading an acoustic sing-along to “You Belong With Me.”


A reprieve from brainstorming came when Cacey entered with a tray of cupcakes (presented as “34B-cup cakes”) frosted with tiny nipples. The group eventually returned to Clit Lit, praising its catchy nature. “It’s a metaphor!” exclaimed Kasey without further explanation, adding “If it’s empowering to some of us women, it’s empowering to all women, right?”


With the name settled, the group changed into their suffragette costumes and started working on the list of books for the year. “Bad Feminist by Roxane Gay?” another member Kaycee protested. “Take that off. We think feminism is good.”

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