Wealthy White Gay Couple Adopts Beautiful Victim Narrative

Now more than ever, families are looking a bit different than the traditional mom, dad, 2.5 kids and a white picket fence. For instance, Graham Fogarty and Cecil Handler are two gorgeous, white, and rich gay men who recently adopted a beautiful victim narrative into their home.


The duo, who met at Cornell and now live in Hell’s Kitchen in Manhattan, have been thinking about taking on new responsibilities and decided that now would be the perfect time to give their attention to nurture and raise a sense of perceived victimhood together, despite almost every marker of their privilege.


“People keep asking us if we’ll treat our victim narrative any differently than we would a regular child,” said Fogarty. “The answer is no! We’ll love and nurture it as if it were a child that cost us hundreds of thousands of dollars.”


Fogarty, who says coming out destroyed friendships with his fraternity brothers, and Handler, who “used to be chubby” know how tough the world can be. It’s all the more noble that they’ve chosen to take on this responsibility given the fact that the two have struggled in the past with issues such as their shared addiction to party drugs and living in a studio apartment.


“It’s just good to know that after everything we’ve been through,” said Fogarty, a financial analyst for Raytheon, “we can finally focus our energy on allowing this victim narrative to grow up in a safe and open environment.” 


After explaining that he had a “rough time in middle school” and therefore “gets it”, Handler described how he and Fogarty were looking forward to experiencing all the milestones of traditional child-rearing through their victim narrative. They plan to receive better service in restaurants, gifts from distant acquaintances, and are prepared for a dramatic strain on familial relationships. The first announcement already gave them the gut wrenching and indescribable feeling of gaining more Instagram followers.


At press time, Fogarty and Handler could be seen filming a joint TikTok of them simply kissing with the caption “We’re gay, SO WHAT?!”

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