LAS VEGAS, NV— Mail-in ballots in crucial battleground states announced that they didn’t arrive by Election Day because they were at a drag brunch and lost track of time.
“We meant to be here so we could help relieve the nation’s stress, but we were having such a good time knocking back bellinis and judging lip sync battles that we got sidetracked,” noted a ballot from Nevada’s Clark County.
The ballots, which were legally postmarked by November 3rd, met for the brunch on their way to the polls with the intention of having a couple of drinks and catching a quick show. A North Carolina State Board of Elections representative commented that they were a little annoyed when the ballots sauntered in two days late and a little tipsy without social distancing.
“It’s been a stressful year so we wanted to blow off a little steam before performing our civic duty. One thing led to another and we ended up on stage doing a kick line, but we’re here and ready to have our voices heard, ” a Philadelphia County ballot added.
For privacy reasons, no one asked the drag brunch attendees who their vote was supporting. However, sources report that every ballot that refused to wear a mask upon entering their polling location yelled “Stop The Count” upon being put through the scanner.