Lesbian Gives Up Baby Fever, Perfectly Content Mothering Partner Instead

BROOKLYN, NY— Mel, a Bushwick lesbian in her mid-30s, recently announced her decision to give up her lifelong dream of being a mother. Rather than have children of her own, Mel is embracing the maternal role she’s taken on in her romantic relationship with Rhea, a recent NYU graduate.

 

“Rhea checks all the boxes,” Mel said. “I get to cook for her, clean up after her, soothe her when she’s upset… I mean, what do I really get from having a baby that I don’t already get from Rhea? Having to co-sign hundreds of thousands of dollars in student loans someday??”

 

Rhea’s parents were noticeably absent from her early childhood, choosing instead to fly internationally and leave Rhea in the care of various nannies. Rhea loves her current arrangement with Mel, and sees it as a chance to re-do her childhood – this time, with a MILF.

 

The pair recently attended a King Princess concert, with Mel as designated driver and Rhea consuming one too many beers. During the drive home, Rhea fell asleep in the backseat of the car, while Mel played soothing white noise on the radio.

 

Mel eventually carried Rhea in from the car, and swaddled her in the bed tightly before climbing in next to her, to ensure Rhea wouldn’t steal all the blankets in her drunken state. The pair slept in, but eventually had to get out of bed—Rhea had to pee and couldn’t unswaddle herself.

 

Though Mel and Rhea split their rent 50/50 (Mel is employed and Rhea has a generous trust fund), Mel does the bulk of household chores. Rhea is often too high and “can’t feel [her] arms”, which means that lifting the laundry basket and vacuuming are out of the question.

 

Rhea, to her credit, once tried to cook Mel dinner while she was high and wound up standing in the kitchen for four hours, enthralled by the various spices the couple owned. Rhea has not attempted to cook since.

 

While Mel is happy with her decision to give up true motherhood, her friends are appalled by her choice.

 

“I just thought it was a sex thing, like calling your partner ‘Mommy’ in bed, but I’m starting to think this is for real,” Mel’s friend Andrea said.

 

Andrea tried to talk Mel into visiting a fertility clinic, but the plan backfired. Rather than being inspired by the pregnancies, Mel wound up donating all of her eggs.

 

“Here I was with all these eggs, having already achieved motherhood myself. So I gave them away! If you don’t need ‘em, toss ‘em – straight into the arms of someone who desperately wants a child,” Mel said.

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