After a busy Christmas Eve, Santa Claus is reportedly exhausted and dehydrated after delivering presents to the world’s nice children and performing the traditional breeding of the good twinks.
BETHLEHEM— A researcher at the Vatican Library has discovered a lost text written by God
For sports fans, football is as synonymous with the fall season as the leaves changing, pumpkin spice lattes, and the sound of children playing Smear The Queer in the school yard on the first day back from summer break. Us die-hards can never get enough of it and any day that passes without a game feels hollow and wasted. That’s why we came up with a list of content that has all the action, drama, and engrained homophobia we know and love about football that you can watch while waiting for your next fix of the best damn sport on the planet.
Mail-in ballots in crucial battleground states announced that they didn’t arrive by Election Day because they were at a drag brunch and lost track of time. “We meant to be here so we could help relieve the nation’s stress, but we were having such a good time knocking back bellinis and judging lip sync battles that we got sidetracked,” noted a ballot in Nevada’s Clark County.
When 18-year-old James Potkin sat his devout Catholic parents down to have his coming out conversation, he was nervous about how they’d respond. Little did he know Deborah and Grant would be the most supportive parents he could’ve asked for…and he’s over it.