Emergency Room workers at Mount Sinai Hospital reached a routine diagnosis of dehydration after running labs for Brian Thomas, a 27 year old Social Media Manager. Thomas checked himself into the ER earlier that day claiming he had come down with a severe case of “spiraling”. While he claimed that he was feeling intense symptoms of “can’t even,” labs concluded Brian was clearly just dehydrated.
Yas kween! Slay! In honor of Pride Month, Secretary of Transportation Buttigieg threw the first McKinsey Happy Hour at the HERstoric Stonewall Inn. McKinsey & Company was a natural corporate sponsor of the Pride event. In addition to being Secretary Buttigieg’s former employer and donor to his Presidential campaign, the storied management consulting firm boasts clients such as ICE, Enron, and Purdue Pharma. Werk.
As re-openings sweep the nation, everyone is reconnecting with loved ones they haven’t seen in months. Jake Gorban, 24 twink, surprised his friends and family when he emerged from multiple lock downs as a fire breathing Charizard, the final form of Charmander. While he was always a flaming power bottom, Jake has gained actual fire breath and a tail that is literally a flame.
In a landmark change, the Food and Drug Administration announced that it is lifting restrictions on blood donation from gay and bisexual men if they can escape from a Saw-like torture trap. The policy change was timed with the release of Spiral, the soft reboot of the Saw franchise.
Sometimes building back better means building back never, and that’s exactly what the Biden Administration decided to do with the country’s improv theaters. Given a once in a generation opportunity to rethink the role of “zip zap zop” in society, the new Administration has taken radical, decisive action on a new path forward.