“We’ve been waiting to pounce on this better name for decades!” said Mitch McConnell, the KY&PP senator who is up for reelection this November.
“It has been a waking nightmare,” shared VH1 executive Konnor Prancely. “I cannot believe Sherry Pie or Joey Gugliemelli or whoever has done this to me!”
“I don’t know how people can believe cell towers caused the pandemic when it was obviously Mercury in retrograde,” posits self-employed moods curator Daniel Parsons. “Has the world gone insane?”
In the wake of the Pete 2020 campaign suspension and endorsement of Biden, more skeletons are being dragged out of the closet. Long before his nights fundraising in wine caves, alleged military man Pete Buttigieg was pouring wine at a four-star establishment in the Afghan capital of Kabul.
“While this lie of omission is disturbing, to be a gay serviceman in the restaurant industry is still putting your life on the line for God and country in similar sense,” said one South Bend resident and now-former Pete 2020 field organizer.
Phucks-A-Ton E. Phyllis emerged shortly after sunrise only to immediately catch a glimpse of her morning-after shadow, causing her to flee back into the security of her K-hole.