Look, let me cut to the chase – I know you have a big heavy boner for me. I’m not shaming you for that, in fact, I find it heartwarming that you crave after my penis the way you used to crave that rectangle pizza we ate every Friday in the cafeteria.
Everyone’s favorite and only holiday centered around a Black guy is coming up! In a sexually liberated world, why is it that our annual attempt at supporting Black people is so buttoned up! Here are the top five Martin Luther King Jr. quotes that you can easily (thanks Instagram!) use to cover up your naughty bits to give a titillating twist for your Finsta on this special, special day.
Eric Casso, a Proud Boy, and Danny Smith, an Instagay, took to social media earlier this week to announce to their #ProudBoy family, and the white gays who thirst after them, that they are officially off the market. Crediting the safe space of the Proud Boys community, they have entered a manly and testosterone-fueled relationship.
Today, Austin Bickal and the “Boys Who Brunch” announced via their alt Twitter accounts that all Pride events planned for this summer were in fact reinstated and relocated to the basement of that one Hamburger Mary’s.
After a meeting held by every Black person you know, we have come to the conclusion that your Facebook posts and kicky hashtags are not enough for you to hit us up wondering what we are up to in ten minutes. We get it – you see us being unfairly treated in a world built against us and for some reason you believe your head game will blow all our troubles away.